This Lent has been…well, different. At least for me. At first glance it would seem that I have searched, and not found. I have asked and not been answered. I have looked to the heavens and cried “Where are you, God?” and the only answer I’ve had is my own disillusioned tears.
I began Lent with good intentions and found myself quickly distracted, breaking my promises and then wondering why my prayers seemed to empty into a vacuous void. I’ve been fearful. Cranky. Self-righteous. Look up the antonym for Holy and it probably has me listed as an option.
This holy week Good Friday seemed to mock me as we approached. I am not ready for Easter. I haven’t grown more holy. I’ve probably not even maintained the status quo! (Not to mention the plastic eggs and Easter clothes I am yet to purchase).
As I knelt upon entering the mid-afternoon heat of our Good Friday services I found these words spilling out of my heart “I know it is not about ME, my Lord and God. It is about you. Let me only see you right now. Let me only love you. Let me forget there is a me and gaze only at you. Forgive me for my selfishness and self-focus.”
His Mercy assures me it is not too late.
In a flood of images and feelings and thoughts I glimpse what it means to live in eternity. God is eternal. No beginning. No end. What happened at Golgotha 2,000 years ago is happening as much now as it did then. As much here as it did there. And, this moment in time touches that moment in time much like Madeleine L’Engle described the folds of a tesseract in A Wrinkle in Time. “But of this one thing be not ignorant, my beloved, that one day with the Lord is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” 2 Peter 3:8
What wonderous Love is this?
Christ died for my sins. Not my distant sins sometime 2,000 years in the future. No, my sins reach back and touch 2,000 years ago and his love and mercy reaches out tangibly and immediately to me in this moment right now.
I kneel to kiss the cross…
And time stands still
and folds up and I am there at the cross with my Lord.
And I know he suffers and dies
…and it is about Him.
and what He did
for me.
It is not too late. A thousand years is but a day. It is not too late to look for Him. And find Him. And me. And you... Together in eternity.
Thank you so much for this post. It sounds so much like my Lent, and I needed to read this today. I hope you have a most blessed Easter. We've "spoken" on KC, and I'm a new follower now on your blog. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry your Lent has been a time of aridity but in a way that might help to prepare your soul for the lightness and joy of Easter. Let go of those pesky expectations...Christ died for you and me just as we are and he knows how desperately you love him. :)
May God Bless you and your family at Easter!
Hi Leslie, my Lent was full of broken resolutions too. It just shows how weak I am and how much I need God. Isn't it good we can offer Him all our failures as well as our triumphs? We have just returned from the Easter Vigil: the Lord is risen, Alleluia, Alleluia!! It is not too late to feel the Easter joy. May God bless you and your family!
ReplyDelete@Stephanie Glad to see you here too! :)
ReplyDelete@Misty and Sue, Thank you for the encouragement. My steps were already lighter when leaving the Church and it gave a new meaning to me for "Good" Friday.
May all of you and your families enjoy a Blessed and Joyful Easter. :)