Being still amid the chaos

This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Even though I woke up early and should have had plenty of time to move smoothly through my morning it seemed that everything I touched became a complication. Quickly, I became frazzled. We are expecting my husband's 90 year old grandmother to arrive tonight. The house, this morning, was still in the middle of "The Great Book Sort" (you know, when you start putting books away and then you realize they are no longer grouped and pretty soon there are piles everywhere and you still need to clean the bathrooms? No? Well, now you know...). My to do list looked daunting. I also remembered I had an appointment today. Oh, and my youngest was starting to look a little bit like those allergies could actually be turning into a cold again. I seriously wanted to scream. In fact, if you asked my kids, they will probably tell you that I did, indeed, scream (I'd say more like a whiny yell, but perception is 9/10 of the law).

I was reaching out in frantic fragments of prayer, but it seemed like I wasn't staying with any one thought or any one task for longer than a millisecond. Then, I had the thought that I should go to Daily Mass today and immediately tried to push it out of my head. Where on earth would I fit that in? How on earth could a day that was starting this badly turn into the sort of day that meant everyone was dropped off at their respective places in time for me to make the 8am Mass across town? But, the Holy Spirit didn't give up and soon ignoring this inspiration was feeling a lot like direct disobedience. So, I prayed to get myself out of my way and within a few minutes we were miraculously out the door. And, I even arrived at Daily Mass 5 minutes early.

Stillness came over me as soon as I knelt down in prayer. I felt like I was being told to abandon myself to our Lord. And the sort of abandon that a child has--complete trust, complete love, complete joy. My breathing slowed. My swirling to do list evaporated and I was present in the eternal now of God's kingdom. Suddenly, I knew it wasn't about an urgent list, but about a sweet surrender to love. All things done in love. All things done in service to my Lord. All things done with joy. Jesus doesn't call me to my to do list, he calls me to love like he loves.

After celebrating Mass. I took time for my favorite Latte on the way to my appointment and enjoyed smiling at all the people wafting into our small town for the Holidays. I was fully present for my meeting. I met my preschooler early for lunch and brought him home to rest away his cold. I'm leaving in a few minutes to pick up my other children. And, you know what? The books sort is one small pile away from being done! The kitchen is spotless! Two loads of laundry are on their way to being finished. And, I do not feel overwhelmed by what is left to do. I'm just enjoying the process of straightening out my home (not just a house, my Home) so that we can share it with someone we haven't seen in years and so she may experience a little piece of our family. Not the harried, chaotic worst version of our family. But, the creative, prayerful, bibliophile side of all of us. The cleaning will be done before she arrives tonight. But, more importantly my children will know they are loved. I will remember to breathe in Christ and breathe him out as well. I will remember this week is about gratitude and we are about to enter the dear time of year we call Advent.

I will be still. I will not be afraid. And, I will allow the miracles that accompany obedience to God unfold around my family.