You may also want to read Why I am (now) Pro-Life--Part 1 and Part 2
Finally. This post has been coming to me in pieces. Fragments of feelings. Ideas. Theology. Washing dishes, folding clothes, driving kids to and fro. The end of the story, in terms of "facts" is simple to tell. The feelings and growth and miracles are harder for me to put into words.
I want to share with you that the full impact of the miracle of my daughter's birth did not really happen all at once. In fact, the most profound changes in my heart didn't occur until
Super Bowl Sunday--this year. I was vaguely aware of controversy leading up to the game. I knew this "super pro-life ad" was going to be on. My old self, raised by passionate liberals who give their whole hearts to those in need but have always raised me to see morals and government as separate issues, felt a pinch of irritation. You see, even with all I'd been through with my daughter, the farthest I had come in my acceptance of the teaching's of the Catholic Church on abortion was -- "Of course
I would never be able to go through with one. I will always provide my friends with love and support and never
promote abortion. But, I can't really let my feelings on this topic impact how I vote. It just isn't my business to push my morals onto other people". This January, I woke up the morning of the Super Bowl and I was flooded with memories.
The fever comes. A friend calls a Deacon and he prays over me in my hospital bed. He tells me he knows that my baby and I will be just fine. He is sure of it. The fever breaks, just moments after this prayer in the hospital. I am never again asked to face the choice to terminate my daughter's life to save my own. Three months later, I am in labor. The nurses scurry. But, there is tension in the air. At first I fear there is something wrong, with me or my baby. But it isn't about us. They are all unhappy with my doctor. He is on his way. A nurse asks me if I know he is leaving his practice. I say, I do. She asks, "Do you know where he is going" and I indicate I do not. "He and his partner are opening an Abortion clinic in Nevada". Her words stab into me like daggers. I am filled with rage. I push this baby out faster than any other because I am having trouble looking my doctor in the face. I want him far away. I want his hands off my baby. I want answers to troubling questions.
As these memories crowd my brain, I find myself asking difficult questions. For the first time, I can hear my own thoughts without them being crowded out by my well-meaning parents and lifelong friends.
Why was it ok for this doctor to recommend I terminate my pregnancy? What gives him this authority?
My heart answered,
the law of the land.
Why do we have a law that allows this?
Because we support the individuals right to make moral choices for themselves.
Isn't the baby an individual?
Yes, but...
But what? The baby's rights aren't as important as the mother's convenience? Her health? Her fears? What if we weren't talking about a baby here. What if, let's say, you lived in a country where your husband could legally kill you because you behaved disrespectfully? Are your rights truly less important because the law of that country says so? What if you were Jewish and lived in the time of Hitler? What if you were black in the time of slavery? Would you want others to sit back and say it wasn't theirs to judge?
At the end of this debate going on inside of myself, I realized new conclusions. Not only did I wake to a new reality where I no longer could support a candidate who votes for Pro-Choice issues
I realized that this was the single most important issue I am faced with as an American Voter right now. If it were legal for husbands to kill their wives, or to keep certain people as slaves, or for parents to kill their children when they felt unable to continue caring for them, I would not weigh the economy on the same level as their lives.
I would not debate health care or social security or the deficit until I was assured the very lives of all people were protected under the law.
At this moment, we are not protecting the lives of innocent children. It is hard for me to think of much else...
The Catholic Church teaches "Human life must be respected and protected absolutely from the moment of conception. From the first moment of his existence, a human being must be recognized as having the rights of a person--among which is the inviolable right of every innocent being to life." She goes on to say, "The inalienable right to life of every innocent human individual is a
constitutive element of a civil society and its legislation..." (CCC 2270 and 2273)
For the first time in my life, I recognized that the society I live in is not truly civilized as long as we encourage abortion or turn a blind eye to its legal existence.
I do not share my heart here to judge anyone and the choices they have made. My heart aches for anyone who has faced the
choice between life and abortion.
I have come to believe, that the very fact that we view whether or not to end a baby's life as a
choice is the problem. Had I not had a doctor, who clearly had no qualms with taking the lives of babies, pose the choice to terminate I would never had been put in the position to make a choice. He gave me a choice, because right now, the law recognizes it as a choice. It is the same as if the law read "A husband has the right to choose to continue his wife's life based on his own judgment" and at every divorce hearing a judge quipped "Most men in your situation would say off with her head, what would you like to do?". I'm not sure there is a soon-to-be-ex-husband (or wife, for that matter) out there who wouldn't at least consider it for a brief moment. I mean, it would be their choice, right? Imagine all the alimony money to be saved! The exhaustion over custody battles to be averted! The chance to bury all those bad feelings and begin again with a clean slate!
The truth is, our 21st century American husbands wouldn't really consider this because they have never been taught this is a legal choice to consider. Of course it would be easier to live our lives without certain people. It could be far more convenient, less stressful, more success-oriented, less embarrassing, and perhaps even physically healthier to completely cut out certain people right out of the picture. But, other than in fits of desperate fantasy, we don't actually ever consider this as a
choice.
"Scripture specifies the prohibition contained in the fifth commandment: 'Do not slay the innocent and the righteous.' The deliberate murder of an innocent person is gravely contrary to the dignity of the human being, to the golden rule, and to the holiness of the Creator. The law forbidding it is universally valid: it obliges each and everyone, always and everywhere." (CCC 2261)
My daughter's life here on earth is a miracle. She is a constant reminder to me that I do not have to believe what the world tells me. There is no illness, no desperate situation, no financial crisis that changes the law of God. She reminds me that prayer is so powerful and that Love expressed in charity is the necessary action of the body of Christ. She calls me to reach out, give more and speak louder when it comes to matters of life.
I had no way of knowing how much I would be changed by this experience. I have no doubt that the prayers of others supported me through the years it took to connect all the dots to the lessons revealed during that pregnancy. God is patient and merciful. So are my friends who have gently guided my heart along the way. God grant us all mercy and patience as we seek to be the working hands of the body of Christ for all innocent human beings, everywhere.
8 days after daughter's 1st birthday, our oldest son was diagnosed with Leukemia. Were it not for the gentle preparations of my heart through this experience, it is difficult to know how I would have faced that next challenge. But, there is a blog post or two in that one. I will save it in my heart until sometime soon.
P.S. This would be a perfect place to post a picture of my daughter as a baby. Realizing pictures aren't on this computer. I know where some are I can scan and will try to asap!
