Why I am (now) Pro-Life -Part I

My daughter wants me to braid her hair. "Lots of tiny ones, Mommy" she instructs me. "I want my hair to be really curly in the morning." She is six. She is a sweet, sensitive, and stubborn middle child. And, she was almost never born.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter it was less than a year into my discovery of the Catholic Church. I did not consider myself particularly pro-life (though I figured I could never go through with an abortion myself). But, nothing prepared me for the stone cold face of my Obstetrician when he said at my 18 week appointment “You are leaking amniotic fluid. Your baby only has a 5% chance of making it until term. Most women in your situation would choose to terminate the pregnancy. What do you want to do?” He didn’t pause between sentences or apologize, but he did glance down at his watch. It was clear that this was nearly routine for him and he either didn’t recognize, or had no patience for the fact, that it was anything but routine for me.

My two year old son bounced around the room as my husband tried to herd him into a corner. I looked to him for guidance. At the time he was finishing up an undergraduate degree in Biology. Maybe this made more sense to him? He shrugged. Helplessly and the doctor stepped outside to give us "a moment to decide".

A moment. A decision. A choice. Only, it felt nothing at all like a choice to me. It felt like sand sticking in my throat. It felt like the world off it's axis. It felt impossible. Somehow I choked out the words, through disbelief and tears, that I wanted an ultrasound before deciding anything.

We walked across the street to the hospital. I pictured my baby inside of me, suffering. But, the ultrasound showed a very different picture. The ultrasound revealed a baby girl. Moving. Sucking her thumb. And it revealed lots of fluid. The doctor told me the test was correct. I must have a slow leak. But, he explained, the amniotic sack was comprimised. I was at high risk for infection, he said. If I continued the pregnancy and contracted an infection, both the baby and I could die.

We drove him, still buying as much time as we could. We were both scared. I didn't want to talk to my parents. I knew their first instinct would be to protect me. What was surprising the heck out of me was that my first instinct was not to protect myself. I was deeply in love with my unborn baby girl. I was also deeply in love with my two year old son. But, it just couldn't be that I was supposed to make a choice like this. This sort of choice couldn't possibly be up to me.

Read Why I am (Now) Pro-Life--Part 2  <--- here