All Hallow's Eve

All Hallow's Eve

Can Outsiders Be Insiders?

Can Outsiders Be Insiders?

I knew it would happen

Here is one I left out yesterday!!!

The Hungry Housewives...an inspiring group of cooking/saving/entertaining Mamas. Definitely One Lovely Blog! :)

My first blog award!

:) Actually, I think this is such a fabulous way to get to share new (to us) and interesting blogs with each other.

Kathy Vestermark over at Faith on the High Wire nominated me. I found Kathy's blog through a comment on another blog. The cool thing is, we actually have met IRL (in real life) once upon a time at my husband's medical school. Her blog is truly worthy of the award and I hope you'll go check it out.

The rules for passing it on are simple:

1. Accept the award. Post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2. Pay it forward to 15 other bloggers that you have newly discovered.
3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they've been chosen.

Here are the bloggers I would like to bestow with the Lovely Blog Award: (Remember, these are all blogs that are new or new to me!)

Roxanne at Peace Garden Mama

Kaleolani at The Kitchen Witch -- there is a story behind that title. Go read about it!

Robina at Motherly Loving

Emily at Emily in the Philippines -- this is my little sister's new blog as she embarks on a two year journey in the Peace Corps. She is a journalist and a beautiful writer. And, no, I am not biased!

Jessica at Shower of Roses

*** Ok, that is all I can come up with for NEW to me...at least right now. I think I'll bend the rules to include a couple of blogs might very well be new to you!

Sarah at Amongst Lovely Things

Keri at Creating my own little Nirvana -- be sure to read this one

Joni at A Sticky Situation -- Joni is an amazing Mama and a card-maker extraordinaire!

I may have to come back and add others as they wake me up in the middle of the night with "How on earth did I forget to list THAT ONE!"

Thank you for the award, Kathy. And happy blogging and following to all of you!

To all aspiring writers

Do you know about the going-ons in the month of November? The kids and I (registered as home-educators--even though we are only so in heart at this point) will be very busy writing over the next month. Leave a comment and let us know if you'll be joining us! Visit the links below to find out more. And if need to remind yourself that yes, you can write, don't forget to re-read Just Write It and also visit the book Turn Not Pale Beloved Snail

 

If you decide to participate you can be my writing buddy. You'll find me at www.nanowrimo.org My user name is wholeheartedcatholic.

 See you there!

Big Problems

My mom's new husband and I are going to have some big problems. Huge, I'm telling you. The only way for this relationship to be repaired is for him to cease and desist walking off with my copy of The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. I mean, this is completely unacceptable. I need to find out what Juliet says to Sidney next...and learn much, much more about the German occupation of Guernsey. Does he not realize a girl cannot just put such a good book DOWN at will?! Since he is apparently growing quite attached to the story as well, I will have to respectably request that he go to the store and get his own copy.

Or...maybe I'll just download it to my Kindle. Of course I can't dog-ear that in quite the same way. And my scribbles in the margins will be reduced to typed "notes". No. I need to find where he's hiding that book. Post haste.

One Lovely Blog Award

Kathy Vestermark, over at Faith On The High Wire just nominated me for this award.Thank you so much! I posted the award on my blog in the side bar and now I am passing it on to 15 other blogs. The rules for passing it on are simple:

1. Accept the award. Post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2. Pay it forward to 15 other bloggers that you have newly discovered.
3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they've been chosen.

The fun part about this is that I get to explore Catholic blogs and tag 15 of those that interest me. I will email those blogs that I wish to tag with the award.

If I've tagged you, I hope you'll do the same and visit Catholic blogs to let them know they motivated you in some way by sending them the award. This should be fun and not a burden so, don't stress. If you only pass it on to a couple of blogs, that's fine, too. If you want to wait and not do this right now -- NO STRESS -- take your time and make enjoy the process! And, if you can't do it at all, no problem. Just ignore the invitation to participate and God bless you!

1. Sarah at Amongst Lovely Things
 Even though we are no longer homeschooling at this time, Sarah continues to inspire me with her love of learning, faith and her children.


2. Keri at Creating my own little nirvana
Keri and I have been friends for many years. Be sure to read about her Catholic reversion and be inspired by all she is doing to reunite her adopted daughters.

3.

Hounds

Perhaps God made hounds to teach us about the persistence of his love.

Litany of the Saints

Together again

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A Happy Working Song

My mom and her husband arrive this evening. I wish you could feel the energy of excitement in our house before a visit from GRANDMA. It is joyfully-electric. At least for all those too young to clean toilets, that is.

I'm about a day behind where I wanted to be in the cleaning department. So, I'm buzzing around, in my grand ballroom gown, of course, singing a Happy Working Song grumbling to myself about how neat and organized we are as a family where I've gone wrong in the organization department. I also still need to pick up the Leis (it is my mom's very first trip to Hawaii) and run a document over to the Quarantine office so my puppy dog can be released at the airport. We have been separated from her since May and we are all goose-bumpy with anticipation for those sweet cuddles and kisses. She is truly one of the sweetest creatures I've been blessed to meet.

Not to worry, part 3 of Why I am (Now) Pro-Life is mostly written in my head. I'm hoping with grandma here I may have a few moments to jot it all down.

It has been such a blessing to converse with some of you via email. Thanks for taking the time to introduce yourself!

Off to work! to have a cup of coffee and stare (bewilderedly) at my to do list. :)

A Dear friend in Russia

Keri and I have been friends since I was 15 years old. She was in The Crucible with me and later directed me in the role of Juliet (and boy oh boy was that Romeo cute!). As long as I have known Keri she has been the sort of person who lives with her heart on her sleeve and her life right in step with her heart. She is in Russia right now, still trying after YEARS to reunite her adopted daughter with a sister who has now "aged out" of the Russian system. Honestly, I wouldn't even begin to know how to share all the ups and downs, miracles and disappointments of Keri's Journey. But, I will link you to her blog. And, I'll beg to you pray for her, Nastia, Anya and her soon to be son, Daniel. Keri and I have been known to set dates/times to pray the rosary at the same time. Maybe if some of us could commit to offering even a short prayer at 10pm Eastern time for the next week, we could help her move the mountains necessary to finally bring Anya home. Where I am certain she has always belonged. And consider leaving a comment to let Keri know you are praying for her family.

Creating My Own Little Nirvana: God Speaking, and the Flower Lady of Sovietskaya S...: "God speaks to me in close, conversational tones here. He is not silent. Want to get to know God? Leave all the comforts of home behind, leav..."

Linscott Charter School | Will You, Won't You Join the Dance?

Linscott Charter School | Will You, Won't You Join the Dance?

Praying the Rosary

I'd like to share the CD my family has come to love. It has taught my children and I the rosary as we pray along. I like that it has short descriptions of each mystery, but is generally very straightforward. We usually listen through our Napster subscription or on the MP3 player in the car. My kid especially love falling asleep to this CD.

The Everyday Rosary

St. Gianna Beretta Molla

This morning while dropping my youngest off at Preschool I saw someone I recognized from Church. I'm so glad I decided to say hello (even though I'm wearing a Halloween shirt that says "Witchy" and haven't showered yet :s)

The reason I recognized her is that she is the face of Respect Life at our parish. How timely! I've actually been finding myself full of questions as I write my daughter's story. I've been surprised at how much I don't know about the Church's teachings regarding abortion and how I wanted to understand it better so I may articulate it better. We only spoke for a few minutes, but she introduced me to a new saint.

St. Gianna was canonized just two months after the birth of my daughter. I'm so thrilled to have been introduced to this new friend in Heaven. I'm looking forward to getting to know this new friend in our parish, too!

Why I am (Now) Pro-Life --Part 2

Go here to read: Why I am (now) Pro-Life-Part 1

Love lived by others. This sentence keeps presenting itself to me as the reason my daughter was given the chance to live.

We had a lot of practical reasons to listen to our Doctor.

1. Who else would we listen to?

2. We had no family living near us to offer comfort and practical support during what was looking to be a very difficult pregnancy.

3. The world we lived in practically screamed that the mother's life was far more valuable than a yet-to-be viable "fetus".

Something in me, surely the Holy Spirit, was nudging me to look beyond the practical. My heart deeply desired to do what was right. It also desired to live. And, it also desired that my baby live too.

When we got home I closed myself in my bedroom. I remember laying flat on the bed. I reached for the phone, dialed information and called the Catholic Church we had been attending for the past 2 years. I was not sure who I could talk to so when the secretary answer the phone I asked for Wendy. She was the head of our Helping Hands ministry. She became a dear friend, but at the time she was little more than an acquaintance.

I heard her voice on the other line and a torrent of tears and explanation poured out of me. The underlying question I wanted answered was "What on earth I am I supposed to do?" Wendy went right to work. She said, "Do nothing until I call you back. I WILL call you back. I'm going to call my prayer warrior team and get as many people praying as soon as possible. Then I have a couple of other calls to make. You are not alone." And she meant it.

The phone rang and the voice on the other end was a man. "Leslie?", the man said. "This is Deacon Dick". Deacon Dick prayed with me on the phone. He explained he was a retired doctor. He asked my permission to set up an appointment with a Catholic doctor in downtown Phoenix--the Church was offering to pick up the expenses of this visit. The iciness that I didn't realize until then was coursing through my veins started to thaw. Wendy and Deacon Dick had managed to offer me the one thing I was really searching for: Hope.
Let me share something I've come to believe. We have become a society of greeting card platitudes. We've all read enough magazine articles to know that it is appropriate to say "I'm so sorry" when someone is experiencing grief. We know the face of empathy. but, it seems a rare gift to take that empathy and LIVE it. I include myself here. It is a constant challenge to remind myself that being Christ to the world starts with a compassionate ear. But, it continues with heartfelt action.

When I called Wendy, she didn't just offer to pray for me. She went to work. She made phone calls. She halted her agenda for that day and put my baby's life at the top her list. And she didn't stop there.

My husband was in the middle of tests at school as well as National Guard and ROTC commitments. Wendy came and picked me up so I would not be driving and so I wouldn't be at this important appointment alone. The doctor offered hope. He couldn't confirm the diagnosis, but he said that it could just mean I had a slow leak. He gave me the encouragement that he felt it was safe to continue with the pregnancy for now. He said if I developed a fever, it was very serious. He reaffirmed the risk to my life the first doctor gave. This doctor compassionately offered me some time to face that reality, though. Oh, and he told me the safest thing for me and baby was complete bed rest. Bear in mind, I was only half-way through a pregnancy and had a 2 year old at home!

My friends, I may have been on the road to coming into the fullness of Christianity, but the love of others carried me more than half the way. My family was showered (practically DROWNING) in the outpouring of practical support we had from the Catholic Community we had hardly come to realize was really ours. Meals came. Almost every night. For 4 months. Four MONTHS! Strangers and friends dropped off casseroles and salads, soups and breads, and desserts. Some stayed to offer encouragement. Others came in went in the space of a moment. My Ministry of Moms Sharing group--already a group of beginning friendships--made sure someone was checking in with me daily. Some babysat, Melissa cleaned my house (I mean, after we argued for hours and I practically died of embarrassment), Jen sat and shared with me her difficult pregnancy and tragic loss, Sylvia introduced me to St. Gerard. Real women, with many children, and very busy lives lived out their call as parts of the body of Christ. They ministered to me. They lived love in a very tangible way every day for me. For a few weeks I lived in a bubble of peace and comfort.

Then, the fever came.

(Part three is coming soon!)

Just write it

I am absolutely beside myself to have found one of my favorite (now out of print books) being hosted online. I checked, it is with the Author's blessing! It is one of those life-changing books for me as a child/teen (right up there with everything by Madeleine L'Engle and Anne Morrow Lindbergh). The name of the book is Turn Not Pale Beloved Snail. The Author is Jacqueline Jackson. The books is written for young people (in age and at heart) about writing!

Without re-reading the whole book right now and reporting back with a full review, I can tell you what this book did for me. It taught me that writing wasn't anything to be afraid of. See? You can end with a preposition and the whole internet didn't implode! You can even (gasp, cough, and gasp again) misspell. You can call a collection of words a poem and it is because you say it is. Even. If. It. Doesn't. Have. A. Single. Rhyme. This book taught me to just put it down. Put it all down on the page. It will be beautiful. Not because it follows all the rules. It will be just perfect because it is written. By you.

Beyond the truth that God loves them, beyond the gift of the Sacraments, beyond learning to live a holy life there isn't much I see as fundamentally important for me to pass along to my children. Except this: write it down. Write fearlessly, recklessly, and from you heart. Write it like you would say it. Write it like you would never say it. Just write it. When you write your thoughts have a funny way of sorting themselves out. When you write, your words have a way of ultimately being understood. When you write, the you-that-is-you starts to take shape in stories, thoughts, prayers and observations that give others a priceless window into your heart.

I want my children to love God with their whole heart. I want them to live with their whole heart. And, I hope that they will always write with their whole heart too. Now, because Ms. Jackson took the time to write part of her heart, I can convey a piece of mine to my kids. Who knows what reading this book may do for you and your kids. Read it. Then write it all. With your whole heart.

You can read Turn Not Pale Beloved Snail here: 

October Daybook

Outside my screen door

The sun is rising, the air is still cool and I can hear the faint whispers of the ocean crashing.

I am listening to

The birds awakening. The dogs toenails clicking across the tile floors.


I am wearing

Red shorts and a college t-shirt I "borrowed" from my younger sister when I visited home...a long time ago. It turns out, it wasn't even hers. I am apparently advertising the college of an ex-boyfriend?

I am grateful

For the encouragement I needed to write. Well, I write every day. I'm grateful kind friends and near-strangers let me know it might just be worth sharing.

I am praying

For my kids. Everyone is either getting or getting over an uncomfortable tummy, head, throat bug.

I am reading
Too much at one time, as always. I'm going back to Scott Hahn's A Father's Promises. I find myself really longing to delve into the Bible right now.

On my Sansa Fuze
Last week I downloaded and started listening to http://www.thewordofpromise.com/ Bible. I used my Audible account credit. I am loving it. I've read a few debates on the fact it isn't a Catholic Bible. I think I can supplement those parts on my own. As a drama geek and bible lover I am really appreciating this format to absorb the Bible in a new way.

I am creating

A new blog. Fun. And a little scary.

And now the children are awake and I will leave my daybook here. It was a wonderful first start and I'm so excited to be here.

Why I am (now) Pro-Life -Part I

My daughter wants me to braid her hair. "Lots of tiny ones, Mommy" she instructs me. "I want my hair to be really curly in the morning." She is six. She is a sweet, sensitive, and stubborn middle child. And, she was almost never born.

When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter it was less than a year into my discovery of the Catholic Church. I did not consider myself particularly pro-life (though I figured I could never go through with an abortion myself). But, nothing prepared me for the stone cold face of my Obstetrician when he said at my 18 week appointment “You are leaking amniotic fluid. Your baby only has a 5% chance of making it until term. Most women in your situation would choose to terminate the pregnancy. What do you want to do?” He didn’t pause between sentences or apologize, but he did glance down at his watch. It was clear that this was nearly routine for him and he either didn’t recognize, or had no patience for the fact, that it was anything but routine for me.

My two year old son bounced around the room as my husband tried to herd him into a corner. I looked to him for guidance. At the time he was finishing up an undergraduate degree in Biology. Maybe this made more sense to him? He shrugged. Helplessly and the doctor stepped outside to give us "a moment to decide".

A moment. A decision. A choice. Only, it felt nothing at all like a choice to me. It felt like sand sticking in my throat. It felt like the world off it's axis. It felt impossible. Somehow I choked out the words, through disbelief and tears, that I wanted an ultrasound before deciding anything.

We walked across the street to the hospital. I pictured my baby inside of me, suffering. But, the ultrasound showed a very different picture. The ultrasound revealed a baby girl. Moving. Sucking her thumb. And it revealed lots of fluid. The doctor told me the test was correct. I must have a slow leak. But, he explained, the amniotic sack was comprimised. I was at high risk for infection, he said. If I continued the pregnancy and contracted an infection, both the baby and I could die.

We drove him, still buying as much time as we could. We were both scared. I didn't want to talk to my parents. I knew their first instinct would be to protect me. What was surprising the heck out of me was that my first instinct was not to protect myself. I was deeply in love with my unborn baby girl. I was also deeply in love with my two year old son. But, it just couldn't be that I was supposed to make a choice like this. This sort of choice couldn't possibly be up to me.

Read Why I am (Now) Pro-Life--Part 2  <--- here

Come

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Almost as soon as I converted to Catholicism, Satan went to work to keep me away from the Eucharist. I wasn’t really tempted to break any commandment, except for the first one. For the first year I was officially Catholic, I was literally paralyzed with fear to go to Mass.

It started with becoming conscious of the older woman sitting behind me sighing loudly because my baby’s happy noises were disturbing her. Then, there was the time a couple shook their heads and literally rolled their eyes because on my way back from receiving the Eucharist I missed our pew and had to back-track. Again, loud sighs. I started to worry about everything from my worthiness to ever receive the Eucharist to what to wear on Sunday morning. As a mother of two young children at the time (and one more on the way) I often found myself in tears when I realized we didn’t have “church shoes” that fit or that my only dress that fit over my newly showing pregnant body was rather wrinkled and we needed to leave for mass 5 minutes ago.

The devil used my weaknesses. He knew that I was self-conscious about my disorganization and ADHD. He knew I wanted desperately to “fit in” and made sure I was acutely aware of every way that I didn’t. And, I was practically holding the door wide open for him.

I remember trying to express my fears and frustrations to a devoutly Catholic friend. She was concerned. How could I let anything keep me away from Jesus? “Just come to Mass!” she insisted. She was compassionate, but she couldn’t understand my anxiety. We were speaking in two different languages—I wanted her to tell me how to be the sort of person who had our “Sunday best” laying out the night before and she kept answering with “The Eucharist”. Sure, yes, “I know” I would say. But, I didn’t know how much I was misunderstanding. Not just her, but everything.

***

“You have forgotten” the visiting priest said to me during my first teary confession—a full year since coming into the church. “You have forgotten that He loves you. God loves you. Very much”. His Kenyan accent and warmth washed over me like warm honey and the first cracks of light started to break into my confused and frightened heart. I don’t remember everything the priest said in that confessional, but I know I walked out knowing I had been missing so much. I had been missing the heart of my new found faith. And now that I was beginning to feel it again, I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way. Adoration was going on in the chapel next door. Up until that evening, I had never really understood this devotion—yes, I knew that was Jesus, but it still seemed “odd” for a bunch of people to be kneeling down in front of a circle of “bread”. That night was different. I was a changed person coming out of that confessional and when I walked into the chapel I felt filled with light. I felt literally knocked to my knees by the love filling the room and I knelt down, my whole body and heart, to adore the source of such powerful love.

Over the next few months I came to understand a little more just how much God desires my family to share in the Lamb’s Supper each week. He bids us, begs us, "Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened^, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."

I was comforted by our Lord’s encouragement to “take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

When the temptation presents itself to put off participating in the Mass until I do the laundry or go shopping (and have rested and cooperative children) I am blessed with the vision of Jesus teaching on a hilltop—Men, women and children coming and going at different times. I see wealthy people and peasants, those dressed in gold and those wearing little more than a potato sack. Jesus just continues to teach. He doesn’t notice what people are wearing or who arrives late or comes early—though I am sure he knows and he knows all the reasons they do these things as well. He just continues to teach and offer himself to everyone who has answered his call to come and listen. For some, answering that call includes long journeys (both literal and figurative). For others it is as natural as waking up each morning. He calls us all. Right where we are. And he loves us.

I am still a work in progress and I pray many times a day to be more organized and productive—to fulfill my vocation as wife and mother in the way in which He desires. I still desire to have reverently clothed children sitting quietly in their pews on Sunday morning, though I feel eons away from that reality. I know I am on a long journey towards perfection and I now understand more fully that I am never meant to make that journey alone. God gave us his Son. He gives Him to us at each Mass in the Eucharist. He gives us His Church. He gives us one another to love and encourage each other along our individual paths toward Heaven. He does not want us to be afraid. Nor does he want us to make others fear they are not good enough to come to him. He calls us all.

When I hear a mother fretting over bringing her young child to Mass, or having the right clothes to wear or knowing the right times to kneel and stand I feel so much love and compassion for her. Still, the best encouragement I received is the only encouragement I know to give. “Just come”, I say to her. We are all coming together to adore and receive Love itself. God’s light is too blinding to even notice our neighbor’s noise and clothes. We are all so blessed they closed their hearts to the evil-one’s temptation to stay away, and instead answered our Lord’s call to come.

"Do you realize that Jesus is there in the tabernacle expressly for you - for you alone? He burns with the desire to come into your heart...don't listen to the demon, laugh at him, and go without fear to receive the Jesus of peace and love..." - St. Therese the Little Flower