Ch..Ch..Changes

Dear friends,

It would be impossible for me to truly fill you in on my life right now. It is too big. Too painful. Too private. But, in order to continue to make this a place where I can share my journey as a Catholic Convert from my heart, I do need to let you know about some pretty significant changes in my life.

My husband and I have separated. That, of course, will seem as shocking to you as it does to many of our friends. Although, I will tell you, those who were closest to us aren't surprised. They know the years of work and heartache that have gone into this difficult decision. And I do not take it lightly. And I would never make or agree to this decision if I did not believe it was the only acceptable way to keep the members of this family healthy and whole. The Catechism makes provisions for divorce in certain situations. More than one priest has reassured me that this appears to be one of those situations. 

So, the kids and I have moved back "home". Close to my family. Close to wonderful supportive friends who have loved me since I was 14 and my children since the womb. In a small town that rivals Disney in it's quaintness and truly has an old-fashioned sense of community. 

God has provided. He has provided a home...right in our price range, exactly where we wanted to live. He has provided friends who have loaned every conceivable needed household item while we wait for the deliver (sometime in the next few months) of our "stuff" from Hawaii--up to and including a car and a washer and dryer. He has provided immeasurable supplies of grace for me as I navigate a very new and uncertain future. He has provided a priest who "gets it"...and listens...and already arranged a dinner for my family with another local family. He has provided a book group full of wise, beautiful and Catholic women who have already nestled me under their collective wings and brought me right into the fold. He has never, not for a moment, left me alone. And, I am humbled and grateful and in awe of how much he loves us.

So, we are stepping forward in faith. And it is difficult some days and wonderful on others. But, one thing for sure, it is grace-filled and I am eager to continue to seek His will in my life. And grow as a woman on this journey I would have never asked for, but am ready to embrace.

I pray that you will be generous in your understanding and continue to let me share my heart with you. I have missed this space very, very much.

With Love,

Leslie

Matt Maher - Turn Around

Matt was the music minister at the first Catholic Church I entered with a sliver in my heart ready to consider...just consider...Truth was alive within. Matt's music...his absolute love of the liturgy...it was contagious...and it was a huge part in me timidly, emotionally and intellectually taking the first steps towards coming home to the Catholic Church. The other day, I was driving down the road and I heard this song. Thousands of miles from where we used to call "home" and Matt was always greeting us at the front of the Church with engaging and holy music. I *knew* it was him, even before they announced it. You know that scene in That Thing You Do? Where everyone is screaming because they hear their song on the radio for the first time? Yeah? That was me! Except, this isn't my song. But, in a small way he is sort of *my* Matt...because, well, I've loved the way he pulled me into the Catholic liturgy from day one. And, I am forever grateful. And, I feel proud and excited and PUMPED every time I hear this song on the radio. And, I've been hearing it a couple of times a day!!! :) If you aren't yet acquainted with Matt Maher and his music, please go check him out http://mattmahermusic.com/

Monday Musings in My Muddled Mind

Or what should have been titled--"Very, very late Friday Quick Takes"

1. I wrote here about how I pray the Rosary--sometimes only to keep my mind off of ruminating over (much) less beautiful (and helpful) thoughts. When I'm feeling especially anxious (and, although that story had a happy ending, we have not been without new dramas to juggle) I play the Rosary on my ipod--hooked up to the BIG living room speakers--and have it as the background rhythm to my life. When my mind wanders, it lands right in the middle of another beautiful mystery regarding the life of our Savior. This is also the CD my children love to listen to as they fall asleep. They love the thought that their guardian angels finish the prayers if they happen to fall asleep before finishing. So do I. I also count on my guardian angel to continue praying if I am praying along with the CD while I'm also doing dishes, folding laundry and walking the dogs.

2. Will I ever stop calling them CD's? I haven't bought a new CD in a very, very long time. But, MP3 just feels...cold?

3. At least I've stopped calling them "tapes."

4. I'm thinking so much about forgiveness. I'm working through forgiveness in a situation where I was very wronged by someone. A confidence betrayed. Really devastating actions taken that do not make sense to me and have had a direct impact on my life. And my family's life. Right now the best I've come up with is handing it to God. And avoiding the person. Completely. I really have nothing to say to them. But, is that because my heart is cold? Or wise? Will you please share your stories of forgiveness with me? It would really be helpful for me as I pray to move forward and beyond this hurt.

5. I really like our new parish. It is a military parish. It is funny how what I once thought could never feel like a church home to me (ANY military parish), is now where I feel most comfortable. Interesting.

6. We are homeschooling again--I'm not sure if I told you all that yet or not? So far we've been pretty "structured"/"school at home", mostly for my peace of mind and for record keeping sake. But, my unschooly, eclectic self is feeling a little restless. And my kids are complaining of a bit a boredom. It may be time to inject some Charolotte Mason and a little more strewing (and few less worksheets and online assignments).

7. I need recipes. Lots and lots of recipes. Any ideas on setting up a recipe exchange here? Or do you know of a good one somewhere else. I'm craving Fall foods, but it is still 80 degrees where I live. It will still be 80 degrees at Christmas. I need Fall foods that won't make us TOO full, you know? We don't, sadly, get to hibernate much here.

Well...that was basically Friday Quick Takes, but a few days late. Still, I figure if I keep writing...even the randomness...it will become habit again. And, our conversations can continue dear friends. Thanks for coming by. And I hope you'll respond with suggestions in the comment box. Or email me.

Visit Jen's blog for people who write their Friday Quick Takes on time ;)